Entries from April 2009 ↓

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Romance scams and more : Interview with online dating expert Yvonne Rice

yvonnerice_smallYvonne Rice is an author, singles life coach, global online dating expert & romance scam consultant based in Australia. Her website is www.singlesdatingpedia.com and you can read more top tips at her blog www.tipsfordating.net.

partnermaps_bulletpoint2 PartnerMaps: Yvonne, you’ve carried out extensive research into the online dating scene and authored two books on the subject, Finding the One and Love, Sex, Lies and the Internet mouse “trap”. Your research has taken you to every kind of dating site out there - adult sites and far beyond! Can you share with us your motivation for conducting the research?

partnermaps_bulletpointYvonne: I discovered that there was a need for Online Daters to understand what was available to them online and how to communicate effectively for greater success (on any site) and to also stay safe online – without scaring them to death!

I feel that being informed is a sensible way to go it gives you choices – however, there is a lot of negative “misinformation and sensationalism” out there which I found (and still find) to be unfair and untrue.

In order to do this I felt that researching just the mainstream sites was not giving an extensive picture of what the online dating scene was all about. This led me to research the Adult, Gay, Lesbian, Transgender and Cultural/Religious sites as well.

I am a huge supporter of Online Dating and know just how successful it has been for millions of people around the world – if done correctly.
As a former Dating Agency Director I understand how difficult it can be for anyone looking to find “The One”. After researching over 6,000 dating sites and interviewing over 4,500 online singles globally – I had a pretty good idea what was missing – basically it comes down to knowing what you want, knowing who you are, how you present yourself online and how you communicate. And that is why I wrote my 2 books – to guide and inform singles dating online.

partnermaps_bulletpoint2 PartnerMaps: Your bio describes you as a “romance scam consultant” and you devote a chapter in each of your books to “Scams, Rip-Off Artists and Sexual Predators” and “Avoiding Being Scammed”. A very high profile romance scam has made the news recently, when so called ‘Swiss Gigolo’ Helg Sgarbi fraudulently extracted 7 million Euros from BMW heiress, Susanne Klatten. Do you need to be a wealthy woman to be at risk of such a scam?

partnermaps_bulletpointYvonne: Romance Scams as they are known amongst those of us involved in the Online Dating Industry and Law Enforcement Agencies are not directed at the “desperate, lonely, dateless and penniless”. The people who generally are victims to these scams are intelligent and financially secure people – both Female and Male.

Let’s face it – if you don’t have any money - you are not much good to a scammer. If I may, here are some tips to keep your readers safe from the clutches of being scammed – there are more, however - if followed even with these few tips – it is less likely to happen to you:

  1. Read the terms and conditions of the Dating or Social Networking Site – make sure that they don’t have the rights to give or sell your information to anyone else. This is how you get phishing spam.
  2. Watch what is in the background of your profile photo – a scammer will look to see if you have nice things. Never have anything but yourself in the photo – a blank wall behind you is the perfect background.
  3. When writing your profile – don’t give specific information about you or your family members – especially about your children if you have them – this means to a scammer you are potentially vulnerable and gives them an angle to work on you.
  4. Stay on the Dating Site to communicate – Dating Sites spend millions of dollars to keep you safe by being anonymous. If you stay on the site the scammers get nervous as they know they have a greater chance of being caught.
  5. If someone is pressuring you to communicate off of the Dating Site – cease communication with them immediately. They obviously don’t have any respect for your privacy or safety – so what is their motive?
  6. 3-4 emails via the Dating Site - is enough for you to work out if there is any connection between you and therefore you would like to meet. Any more than this and you start having a relationship which is unrealistic.
  7. Keep all of your personal information to yourself until you have decided to meet – this will save you from being harassed if you discover that when you meet – this person is not for you. If they don’t have your details – they can’t contact you and you can “block” them on the Dating Site if they start to harass you.
  8. Romance Scammers in general will not want meet you – they can’t they live overseas. So wishing to meet after 3-4 emails is a good indication of where they live – excuses are warning signs.
  9. Stay away from profiles that say they live in the same city or country you do but they are currently living overseas because they are on a short term contract. This is the latest Romance Scam that is surfacing. Another reason to stick to the “3-4 emails only” philosophy.

partnermaps_bulletpoint2 PartnerMaps: With such a rise in social networking sites, online networkers are increasingly creating profiles of themselves all over the web - in an opportunity to connect with many diverse folk from across the world. Do you think this could lead to a potential increase in online romance scams, and do you have any top tips to share with active social networkers?

partnermaps_bulletpointYvonne: Yes, and it is already proving to be the case. One of the big advantages of being on a Dating Site is that your personal information is protected via your anonymity – this is not the case on Social Networking Sites. One of the biggest problems is the amount of personal information people display on their Social Networking profiles.

It is very common to see full names, complete dates of birth, email and website address as well as phone numbers. There are also photos of family and friends as well as information on the type of business or career a person is involved in. All this is open for anyone to read as soon as they are accepted as a friend.

This not only gives a scammer a really good indication of your potential worth but is the way identity theft is facilitated. By having all of your personal details as well as your photo – you have delivered to the scammers all the information they require to steal your identity.

partnermaps_bulletpoint2 PartnerMaps: With a vested interest in the subject, we have spoken with you previously about how personality testing can help individuals protect themselves from such scams. Can you explain why you think this is the case?

partnermaps_bulletpointYvonne: Having been involved in the Singles Industry for over 15 years I am always without exception asked the same question: “How do I find “The One” – the perfect partner for me?” My answer is always “What are you looking for?” and the reply is always the same – “I don’t know – but I know what I don’t want!” Unfortunately the list of “I don’t want!” far out-weighs the list of “I want…..”

In order to find the type of person you are seeking you first need to get clear on the type of person you are. When you discover this you will be in a much better position to understand the type of person you would truly be happy with and not keeping attracting the same type of person that you always have in the past – just dressed up in a different body.

A personality test in my opinion is a starting point for you to get clear on where you are at that point in time so that you can move forward to creating the possibility of finding the right type of person for you - as well as learning more about yourself in the process.

It is much more difficult to be scammed when you are aware of the type of person you are looking for – the “charm” of the scammer will not attract you - as they won’t fit into your picture of the type of person you are now looking for.

partnermaps_bulletpoint2 PartnerMaps: Finally, do you think the online dating industry as a whole is doing enough to help protect their members from falling victim? What would you like to see happen?

partnermaps_bulletpointYvonne: I think the Online Dating Industry as a whole is doing the best that it can at this point in time – however, what I would like to see happen is a global collaboration of the industry coming together at “The Table’ with Governments, Law Enforcement Agencies, Commerce and Social Networking to collectively as a whole work together to eliminate this problem.

I have been working on this project with other like-minded leaders in this area and I am very pleased to say that I now have a written commitment from representatives of the Nigerian Government to start the talks on solving this problem - and this is just the beginning.

Benefit from Yvonne’s extensive research into online dating by buying her books Finding the One and Love, Sex, Lies and the Internet mouse “trap” and make sure you’re approaching your experience with a smile :-)