One of the most common reactions I receive when I mention I work alongside my husband is “Oh, I couldn’t do that!”, and yet for us, it’s the most natural and easy thing in the world. Of course, it isn’t without its interesting moments - but understanding more about our personality really does help us deal with these on a personal level.
There is an interesting effect on the business as well - we’re both visionaries and are 100 per cent immersed in the potential of the business, but this means we’re not so great at focussing on the bottom line. Thankfully there are other members of the team who are!
I’m not sure if there any statistics on the comparative percentage of husband and wife teams jointly running businesses on the internet, but I imagine it’s relatively high - or maybe it’s because I’m one of them that I notice them more! I decided to grill another couple about their working life, and just how their personalities affect things for the business. Here’s the resultant interview:
It’s my great pleasure to introduce Peter and Heather Bestel from A Little Bit of Me Time.
PartnerMaps: As I understand it Heather, as a psychotherapist & stress management consultant, the business is based around your expertise, providing digital products to help individuals and business consultant Peter provides the technical support. Can you tell me whose idea was it to go into business together and what prompted the decision?
Heather: A Little Bit of Me Time is our first online business and yes it is all about ME! It seemed the obvious place to start. I have private clients and run courses and that led us to offer similar products online. I had always wanted to work in a business together as Peter is so brilliant at understanding my ideas and making them tangible. He has a great eye for design and so together we make a good team. Now that A little bit of Me Time can stand on its own two feet, Peter can focus on his own online business ideas.
PartnerMaps: Peter - on your Twitter profile, your bio reads “I’m the man behind the woman who’s the brains behind our business.” I can’t imagine that as a business consultant you don’t have a more than substantial influence on the business. Why did you decide to position yourself in a clearly defined supportive role?
Peter: The business is branded as Heather so there’s no need for me to have a visible input. But, I couldn’t let her get away with taking all the credit!
PartnerMaps: Following both your your updates (and that of Sidney the dog and your 11 year old daughter!) on Twitter and on your blog the impression I have is that you’re a very loving family with somewhat of an idyllic life. Prior to this interview I asked you to complete the PartnerMaps personality questionnaire, and this image fits in very well with what I understand of both your personality types. Can each of you tell me how deliberate that projection is, and how aware of it you are?
Heather: It’s all true! (laughs) We want to give an insight into our lives so that our clients can get to know us. In the self help industry it is important to build trust and I have to be held to account. If I ‘walk my talk’ then my clients can trust me and my products.
We have worked long and hard to create the life we have now and I’m happy for others to see that. It shows we are human and it shows we work at our relationships and that ‘family’ is important to us.
Peter: It’s simply the truth really, we are in fact Scotland’s version of the Waltons! Joking aside, it wasn’t a conscious decision at all. If we portray a happy family it’s simply because we are.
We are aware that that’s how we can be percieved but it’s not a marketing ploy. Although we do appreciate that being seen as somewhat idyllic can have its benefits as it fits in with the ethos of A Little Bit of Me Time.
PartnerMaps: The results of your questionnaire also position you in the same quadrant of the PeopleMaps personality map - down in the south west. Coincidentally, my husband Martin and I are positioned in the same map quadrant (although in the north east of the PeopleMaps map), and although we recognise many of the same traits in the other, we’re certainly not peas in a pod. Did you find the outcome of your questionnaire accurate for both of you? And were you aware beforehand of these similarities between you both?
Peter and Heather: We found the questionnaire outcomes very accurate and it didn’t really surprise us that we share so many traits. If you met us you would think us very different.
But our personalities compliment each other and underneath it all we share the same core values and motivation. Deep down we are soul mates and we recognised that the minute we met.
PartnerMaps: I am hugely admiring of Martin’s drive and ambition, however I do get frustrated when this prevents him focussing on the task in hand. In fact in personality terms, we have the same focus on task rather than feeling, but my approach is more concerned with completing the task list - each tick at a time!
Can either of you tell us what in terms of the business most frustrates you about the other, and how you deal with it?
Heather: I am an activist and get hold of ideas very quickly and want to run with them. Peter likes to build foundations and do things ‘properly’. He humours me and let’s me get the excitement over with and then brings me back down to earth with the practicalities of the situation. I always realise that he is probably right and have started enjoying the process more.
Take a silly example like painting a room. I would be in and out in no time splashing paint around with the radio blasting and covered in the stuff. It would all be done and dusted by lunchtime.
Peter on the other hand, would spend the morning masking off all the areas he didn’t want to get paint on, he would then wash down the walls and sand any rough bits. Then he would ‘cut in’ all round the room before ever getting a roller out. It will take him more time but the job will be done to a high standard and it won’t need doing again for a long time.
Peter: Being very similar can have its drawbacks. Quite often we are motivated by the same things. Similarly, we can be demotivated at the same time too. We have to be very aware of how each other is feeling otherwise we may never get any work done on some days because we both make the ‘business’ decision that we need to walk the dog for 2 hours. It takes one of us to act sensible and persuade the other that work is fun too (that’s usually Heather’s role).
PartnerMaps: Even with our best efforts, business relationships will usually throw us into some difficult positions from time to time. According to your peace-loving, stable and tolerant personality types, it is most likely that neither of you are keen to confront and deal with the more ugly business situations. Does that ring true with your experiences to date, and if so how do you tackle it?
Peter and Heather: We do like peace and stability but when there is a difficult decision to be made we are very sensible and try to see the bigger picture. We have regular weekly meetings (which might seem a bit daft, but things can run away with you and unless the communication is constant one person doesn’t know what the other is doing).
We make decisions together and we take the consequenses together. There is no blame seeking and generally things have worked well. We do the best we can with what we’ve got and it’s good enough - that’s what we keep telling each other. And we learn from our mistakes.
PartnerMaps: It’s apparent to me that you both take many actions deliberately geared towards living your lives harmoniously - in terms of your lifestyle and business choices. Do you think that understanding and learning more about your personalities - self and the other - will be another tool you can use to help you in this mission?
Heather: Any business I have has to tie in with my wider beliefs and I couldn’t pretend to be someone I’m not. Some people may be drawn to the business because they like and trust me, some may be put off by it. I have to be true to my ideals.
Peter:The short answer is Yes! The more we know about each other and ourselves, the better our communication and relationship will be. We commit time to working on our relationship, lifestyle and business and everything we learn is a powerful tool in our toolbox. It was also a lot of fun and we would recommend it to other couples. You never know what you might find out!
